A Personal Message

I have been involved in an active spiritual journey for over 27 years. I attended 12 step meetings, primarily Al-anon, for moral, spiritual and community support. Al-anon is a simple program for looking into one's inner relationship and outer relationships with others. The program helps one to look at the story one is creating, how to best live in balance, and most of all--it also asks you to turn your will and your life over to a Higher Power. I always felt a split between what my head told me and what my heart told me. And, the head and heart were slowly coming together and working toward this united ground.

I've always meditated. It's in my nature. I just called it "hanging out". I would just sit, relax, allow things to be, and sit with the questions. There were many deep processes which encouraged healing and clearing within. Some energy work began to unfold with one of our sons who suffered with a debilitating and rare form of Epilepsy in 1994. This process led me to see the body in energetic ways.

The path became increasingly intense after committing to a regular meditation schedule in the beginning of 2007. With a more intensive meditative discipline, the call to know the Truth became overwhelmingly clear. I practiced Soto Zen at a near by Zen center, continued to go to Alanon meetings, and practiced mindfulness in everyday life, especially around parenting, quite consistently.

At the end of my first sesshin, a question arose from deep within: "Who is it that considers the One?" And, the answer struck me profoundly from a place I could not go or reach, "No one."

Astounded by this knowing, I knew I needed to sit in silence more often, and stopped almost all of my work projects and went on a silent retreat with Adyashanti. I was still available for our family, and basic needs, but started a process of renunciation. After a deep mystical experience of seeing the arising and passing of all phenomenom, I realized that there were no barriers.

At the end of a Theravada, ten-day retreat, about 4 months after the first sesshin, I knew that I needed to give over my entire will and life, in a supportive environment. There was a clear seeing that my thoughts are just thoughts, nothing solid, and not mine. This knowing was so profound, it was not intellectual. I knew I needed to move forward as quickly as possible. I decided to go to Malaysia and stay at a monastic meditation center for ten weeks in order to fully investigate non-stop.

What I had been looking for all of my life became known on the tenth day of the retreat in Malaysia. It is considered to be stream entry, by Theraveda Buddhists or what can be called the entrance to the unitive life as Bernadette Roberts, a Catholic contemplative, talks about. Awakening wakes up to Awakening. This opening has continued to expand. It is a spiritual awakening that pulls the egoic center out of the way and is truly liberating.

After this abiding awakening, there have also been deep revelations into the nature of Christianity and the parallels in Buddhism within a series of deeper awakenings. Each opening has revealed more about the human condition with just seeing from deep within. How to live in a way that best answers: What is it to be human? --is a constantly unfolding process that is simultaneously amazing and ordinary.

In the end, it is more than anyone can imagine and no-thing to it. It is also difficult to talk about, and can only be pointed to--as many teachers always say. Whatever you think, that's not it!

One way to continue practice at this point is to share. If there is any way I can be present with you and help you along your journey, I'd be honored.

The time to wake up is now.

Much loving kindness and gratitude for your practice. Let's practice together!