by Constance Casey
What is in front of you?
What is roiling around inside?
Do you hear that?
Insight. Yes. Remembering.
See link: go hear this annoying discussion!
Ears listen for silence.
Ears hear silence in annoyance. Ah, yes, silence stills all
Arising out of the great mystery of all
What does silence want more than its own understanding? Peace?
The ears want to hear dharma that is simple, clear & wholesome, so let them.
Just do the dishes
Just move the washcloth
Feel the wonder of the snowflakes falling through
The lonely porous membranes of your fingers.
And walk with others
However they may be
by Constance Casey
What is really happening is that I’m burying my self
Yeah, there is no way I can look at the world the same way anymore
There was a train wreck and that train was me
I don’t even know what the tracks were but they are gone too
Where to go is totally unknown
What to do is also completely unknown
Who I am is a mystery beyond belief
And yet All is known, All is seen
Even here moves on
Even now is gone
Time to dig the ditch and bury the remnants
There ain’t nobody home
Which makes the stream flow so fast
The river rides high and wide
Nothing in the way
No hand on the shovel
Can’t dig as deep as This
Just dig, just the same
Future tells nothing
Past fades away
Try a little willingness
And see how you can really
I came across this guy on the internet who does video blogging, Jay Smooth, he is so cool and honest. I felt suddenly heard, and wondered a lot about what I’m going through on a content level, where most of what I’m aware of is on a process level.
The little haters in my mind keep telling me to stay put, say nothing, do nothing in regards to all the meditation work I’ve done and all the insights that keep pouring forth in my whole being because: nobody will ever understand this, and nobody, or maybe one in a million will even come across what I’d like to offer them in terms of support, and I can never make any money doing this because nobody gets paid for this type of work.
Go out and get a job, yeah it says that too.
Then I say, I can’t hardly work for anybody else anymore, I want to do what I feel called to do, I’ve suffered from doing “everybody’s else’s stuff syndrome” and want to know how can I do my stuff, and then I automatically see that my stuff and everybody else’s stuff is so interconnected that there is never any way out. It feels like I keep trying to get a sticky piece of tape off my finger and I can’t get it off, so what the heck am I going to do? I can’t figure it out anymore, it is so crazy trying to figure out WHAT to do, that I keep cleaning the house and sitting in meditation and going back to seeing how everything is interdependent, that there is no way out except to just live with the process that unfolds each and every minute. Yeah. No matter what I do I’m still doing everybody else’s stuff all the time, because of this I-WE thing that comes with enlightenment. Even the whole Mara thing–that is this hater thing that says, keep quiet, there are a million reasons to keep quiet and it’s better –is also It. What?
So that is It too? Yeah. Oh yeah. (deep knowing groan) So then what?
Then, there’s the wipe-out that comes from a fruition and then, even more understanding, no problem. There isn’t a problem, never was. I am in fact -NOT- in a very clear way. Try and come up with a career plan from that perspective and you find your self like Ramana Marashi in a cave for a few years, or Bernadette Roberts camping in the mountains for five months, or Eckhart Tolle sitting on a park bench until someone happens to come along and help.
So, I’m doing pretty well in that I haven’t jumped on any of those options, albeit tempting, and still want to find a serene solution to the vocational choice option that befalls all of us no matter how insightful we are or not.
I wanted to share with you a helpful blog post from my friend, Duff McDuffee, on motivation.
When looking at wanting something, it seems so easy to avoid it or push through it. Usually either end of this dualism isn’t very gentle. And, we probably learned all this growing up, in school, with others in a variety of ways. Often workplaces have created cultures to help push folks to do certain things, and to avoid other things.
But there is another more intimate way to just gently inquire with yourself: what is it you want? It can be that you might want more playfulness, or creativity. Or it may be that you want to organize your paperwork or redo the sink drain. Within each activity our true nature calling us to look within.
I made up a worksheet from Duff’s post (with his permission) and added it below. I printed out a couple of copies and taped one near the sink where I wash my hands, one near my desk, and one for the kids. Give it a try, and see what a little mindfulness will do.
- What do you want through having your outcome that’s even deeper?
- Any objections to moving toward this outcome?
- How will this outcome fit in with the rest of your life?
- Will this outcome affect others?
- Move toward that: You don’t necessarily have to feel like doing something in order to start doing something for a few minutes.
- What gentler and more sustainable ways of moving can you try now?
The Offering: I’d like to facilitate a meditative support group starting September 15th in Southwest Minneapolis.
I want to offer a place once a week where a few people can meditate, and share their practice, not just from me, but all of us with each other. I would lead and facilitate keeping things focused on first things first. I’ve been around for a long while, been a dedicated practitioner, I can do that much.
It is a place where you can sit in any style that suits you, relax and meditate. We will practice vipassana, loving-kindness meditation or your own form of practice in silence. Then, we can talk about living with an honest effort to be aware of being in this vast and complex universe. We can grow and share apples and cheese. We could just be together in silence and go home with loving-kindness. For beginners or advanced individuals.
At first kids are so slippery with their tongues they can’t quite get the words out when they are young. Then, as they start to learn how to speak, their development grows and they are shouting for what they want until, for my kids, the teenage years hit, then all the work that went into teaching them how to pronounce words and hit the syllables just right, went
Does your marriage or relationship feel like a sham? Yes. Then, it is a sham. And, it is not a shame.
Knowing that it is false is seeing the truth of the thing. Knowing you want to end it, and now ending it is being responsible and adult for what you are unwilling to participate in any longer. This is honesty. And, remember it is not a shame. It served you for a long time, it got you through and helped you (and possibly your children) to survive when you didn’t know any better. You may have started it out with some false ideas, and now those ideas are being shown the light of day, are coming out of the closet and being seen as unhelpful and false, shame filled ideas, silly childish ideas really.